Promised Land Ch. 1 Wednesday, May 1 2013 

Promised Land Ch. 1.doc
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Response to Michelle about Same-sex marriage Thursday, Apr 22 2010 

Hi Michelle,

I appreciate your boldness in asking the question – what do I think about homosexual marriage. Ithat you are not really asking me because you want to be controversial, or get into a debate, but because you respect me, and sincerely want to know my opinion/belief about the subject. I remember you as a friend, and that is what you are to me today, even though we haven’t even spoken in 30 years. This probably sounds weird, but I love you, and respect you regardless of anything you do or believe.
I have to answer your question by answering another question: what do I think of homosexuality? Having personal experience of same-sex attraction – and actions/relationships – I fell pretty comfortable discussing that. I grew up in a home where my parents did not have a clue as to what children need in the way of love, nurture, affection, honor, protection, priority. Furthermore, as my parents passed on what they had learned from their parents (and society, the church, etc.), I was not only the victim of neglect, but overt abuse. My dad had a raging temper and hurt us in many ways; my mother was addicted to prescription pain killers. By the time I was 10, I was smoking, drinking and being sexually active – both girls and boys “preyed” on or wanted to experiment with me. It was never my initiation, idk if I was just a late bloomer or not very aggressive lol. Anyway, the forbidden nature of all that furtive reality became addicting to me (not to mention the peer pressure was enormous, and I had no protection from my parents who were completely unaware of my secret life being busy with climbing the ladder, their social whirl or just surviving. Life in this present fallen age is full of every kind of temptation, brokenness, sin and turmoil, and it takes its toll on us all.
I continued on like that, day after day until I was 29; naturally, the habits of bisexuality, drug and alcohol abuse had become pretty ingrained in me – I believe that physiologically as well as emotionally I integrated all those things, and needed it all to be me and to function. I don’t happen to agree with those who say that homosexuality is not genetic; I think either from previous generation’s brokenness/sin or from current choices, we inadvertently “become” whatever we are into and it goes to the level of our genes and neuropathways. So I was a very neglected, unloved child who grew up to be a neglected, unloved teenager, who grew up to be a neglected, unloved adult. Along the way, I met my needs any way that I could – just like everyone else. I was empty, driven to fill that void for love above all else. Love, value and purpose – the primary needs of human beings. When I had my radical encounter with Jesus – when God showed up in that bible study on October 28, 1987 – I knew that my search was over. I have spent the last 23 years daily experiencing and receiving the love, nurture, value, guidance, peace, joy, purpose and protection that parents, lovers, degrees, or the world was never designed to give. Of course I have had my battles with other broken people – especially in the church, which (surprise! lol) is where broken people are supposed to go. Now Church leadership is supposed to have achieved a measure of freedom and wholeness so they can in turn be “healers” to others, but you and I know we are still along way from that in a lot of churches…But that’s another subject, perhaps for another time.
My empty heart has been filled with the greatest love of all – the love only Jesus has, so now I do not need to get lesser love from human beings. My same-sex attraction was the result of my need for the love and nurture of a mother; fortunately God is both male and female (remember He made us in His image – male and female), so I am free to look to Him, and can enjoy the love of my husband (who doesn’t have the pressure now of having to meet my father needs because God does that) who is friend, lover, and father to my children. God created us to be happiest and most fulfilled when we understand our design, and how things really work; when we really know Him experientially – how He thinks, what is important to Him, how life works, and it’s meaning and our purpose, we will be made whole. So the answer to your question about what do I think about same-sex marriage is: Jesus is the answer. I am so thankful that I do not need to disparage people or get into religious/political/legal debates – although I know that somebody has to do that stuff in order to keep order. I have no hopes for humanity or this planet long-term; I know that any time we have left is all grace so more people can know the great love God has for them, and for those of us who actually know Him to separate the lies about Him from the truth, so Jesus will come back and set up His kingdom here on the re-created Earth, and death, war, famine, destruction, sorrow, wrath and fear will be no more.